BDSM or what to do if you tried everything at home
If you are freshly in love, you are probably flying one meter above the ground and you are re-reading your chat history over and over and watching your new love´s photos instead of sleeping. In that case, you don´t need any tip show to get warm. But what if you are in phase 2, or nesting, in phase 3 – stability, or even in phase 4 – boredom full of love? How to liven your relationship up, but not to make any mess? After all, it works fine… There are several possibilities. At first, we can take a look on well-known and widely discussed topic of BDSM. And it is discussed in loving arms or during friendly chats as well! Here you will learn where to go an inspiration, without risking embarrassment or even an injury. Do you still hesitate to leave these doors? Come on, once you will touch the threshold, you know that the room is too small for you to stay…
At first, let´s find out if this trip is suitable for you, let´s find what is this all about. BDSM is the abbreviation of Bondage Discipline Sadism and Masochism – specific erotic plays. It is a compilation of abbreviations B&D (Bondage and Discipline), D&S (Dominance and Submission), a S&M (Sadism and Masochism). In other words, do you play at home (or in your mind) games with your partner in which one commands in sex and the other one is subordinate? Do you find it exciting to have power over someone, including few slaps here and there? If so, we will be compatible.
Hitchhiker rudely fucked
If you did not stop reading so far, you are probably interested. It doesn´t matter if you have zero experience, let´s begin! That´s what we did with my partner (today, he is my husband). It was innocent sunny afternoon when we were talking about the porn and what excites us most. I confessed that for me, the most exciting was the story of a hitchhiker. I can still see how she holds the car window by which the driver immobilized her when she put her head inside the car to talk to him. He got out the car, walked around it and then, he just fucked her rudely. Of course, it was a porn, so she was not protesting much, but I had mixed feelings because of my wet panties. Excitement mixed with shame and nuisance of myself. It was violence, crime! It was the first time I told someone about my feelings, and I did it because I had a full confidence in him. I turned red but I told him everything about it and he cheerfully suggested – let´s roleplay!
We were on the same starting position, neither he was doing anything out of the box of classic sex before. He was cheery, I acted carefully, and I was hesitating. We were not on a trip anywhere but is was more than enough when he tied my hands and I felt excitement unknown so far and stronger that anything I´ve felt before, except the orgasm. It was interesting to feel the harmony of our arousal. After the very first tightening of a tie, all has changed, his cheer and my acted dissent were substituted with his suddenly hard eyes and movements fully concentrated to the tightening of the tie. My own movements were more and more sporadic and more and more I was immersing to my role of a victim. Immobility and weakness brought me to the new heights of excitement felt never before. I was able to see his hellish concentration, fast breathing and I have felt him, hard as a rock, on my panties. When he grabbed me by my neck, in a second it was all over before the action really started. We were both surprised how fast it was, but it was clear that this is the point of no return and we both want to explore this new world.
BDSM practices experience of others in my surroundings
Alex (43), Design engineer
„When I was 25, one girl surprised me with strap-on. It was nice. Until then, I have never experienced anything like it – except my experiment at the age of 15 when I was trying to suck myself (it almost worked!). I´m not dominant but switch. I don´t want to fight with it, I like the game, enjoying both roles, exploring boundaries. I´m not excited by someone else watching me. But my girlfriend was enjoying having sex with a man other than her boyfriend – he could only watch. Sometimes, it´s needed for one to climax… Fortunately, she didn´t want me to do play the same „just watching“ game. Human brain is strange, sometimes, when you think of something extreme in sex, it can frighten you but sometimes, when something changes, it can warm you up, and the other way around.
Kristýna (38), Journalist
„When I was in college, once I´ve found myself in an intimate situation with two unknown men. It was wild, dangerous, bold and even I was fighting the feeling that I should be ashamed; it was very exciting, and I felt almost proud that I´ve experienced something unique. I was enriched with other layer of life.“
“During the last decade, I´ve visited various communities and talked to many people who have experienced something similar. All of them agree on one thing – it is the feeling of freedom. We are so tied up by our social status, so we let someone to tie us really or the other way around, we tie someone to break free of settled social norms. Isn´t it a paradox?”
“Marriage or relationship can be such a social norm as well. We all know that: prince saved the princess and they both lived together and happily ever after. OK, maybe they live, but happily? Honestly? I know many pairs with husband going to satisfy his needs and to realize his secret dreams with a prostitute. His wife or girlfriend either has no clue or sho knows it but accept it. On the outside, the pair looks OK and maybe even partners themselves think so. It´s not a big deal when one of them makes something like that, right? The main thing is not to hurt the partner. It´s just a sex, no obligations, no divorce, no rotating guardianship over children… nothing like that. But what if he (or she) will start to like this too much? I do not want to preach about morale, faithfulness and other similarly unnatural images. But why not to try to renew the passion with a bit of spontaneity and wildness at first? What I want to say is that there are many nice pairs who started to explore new worlds of eroticism altogether. As I´ve mentioned above, trust and proximity are not only conquerors of shame, but also multiplying factors of the whole show. So far, I have never experienced such a feeling!”
Photo by Henryk Mrejzek
Kristýna
Real experiments were shown to me by my friend. At that time, I had both partner and my first child. I´ve felt that I need to relax and exit the stereotype of a family life. I´ve also wanted to feel like a woman rather than just a mother – desired and wanted. I´ve started to understand sex more in a connection with my psychic shape, physically as well as mentally. How to be creative, how to play with a body, with feelings, relations… I´ve shifted the sex into the spiritual plane.
„I´ve felt great, relaxed, rested, just great… My feelings were different and mysterious. And for our relationship, this was such a great boost! It was like falling in love once again. That´s why I´ve started to talk about our „different behavior“ with other people. Carefully, in hints at first. In fact, I was proud that I´m doing something special and unique, something others don´t even know. I wanted to show them off. I´ve also felt disdain for those who condemn these things while they do not know a thing about it.“
So, are you in? Cool! What tools do you need now? As this is all about power and humiliation, you will need tools enabling you to tie up the submissive partner, it means ropes for bondage (be aware, Japanese technique called shibari – ancient form of Japanese bondage – is considered an art today). You will also need handcuffs, shackles, masks for anonymity, gags against sassing, collars, pillories, cages, chains and a tormenting cross. Then there are other tools for punishment – whips, scourges, canes, spank sets, clamps, clips etc. Feel scared? So, let´s go to clothing. It´s almost unbelievable how wide (infiite…) the selection is and how strong is the effect the right clothing can have on the partner. In the moment I take on my black shiny skirt (perennial star during our home games) and we have a „problem“. Today, latex is more popular than leather for several reasons: it´s cheaper, can have sophisticated design and one is not sweating in it so much. And while I like laces, that black shine is very sexy too!
Photo by Henryk Mrejzek
If you are not able to find relaxation and freedom in running, creativity or planting the trees, maybe such a play in the dungeon will help!
„Six years ago, I´ve met with the BDSM community for the first time.“ It was kind of a ball with various performances (Prague fetish weekend). Right after entrance, I was stucked at the first table trying to roll one cigarette. My husband was in a cloakroom and because there was a long queue, it took him 20 minutes until he returned to me. He gave me one unbelieving look and said: You still do not have it done? I was so fascinated that I was only able to whisper: Nooo. In front of me, there were people with fascinating clothing that I was no able to take my eyes off – a lot of black, shine, leashes, nets… My husband was also watching it and was so aroused that he was touching me all the time and I had to calm him down. But pair were not only walking around, they were also playing. One meter from me, scene of punishment was taking place. Why? One submissive man came with two mistresses. Both were beautiful, tall, one of them blond, second one brunette. They had him on a leash, he was on all fours. The brunette left them for a while and meanwhile, the display of underwear has started on a stage. Blond mistress allowed the sub to stand up and watch. When the brunette came back, she started to argue with the blond. Then the brunette took off the flogger and whip the sub so he was back on his knees. Apologetically, he kissed her knee high boot. Of course, I´ve not seen many from the underwear display… My husband was not watching this mini reality show but he was still looking at the models with his hand in my panties. There was something for everyone… I just regret that we were not stayed longer as my husband practically kidnapped me and at home, we were doing it for the rest of the weekend (which is not regular for us…)
Alex
„I´ve paid 3 hours in the dungeon in Zdiby for us, but we have stayed for 5 hours. We played a policewoman and an immigrant. She was perverse and she was enjoying torturing her prisoner. But then came the moment when I stole her gun and our roles reversed. Now, I was the cruel one. The uninventive sex with the girl, even if she is pretty, means that it is without energy. But tan you meet someone you are hard from in a moment you look at her. I´m hard immediately as I embrace my girlfriend. Proximity, sexual energy, and dynamics are very important. It would be strange for me to play this with someone unknown. Without sexual energy, I usually quit early. With someone, I want to watch the TV, with someone, I want to have perverse sex, that´s how it is…”
Kristýna
„First of all, I´ve found that physical pain is unbelievably liberating. It´s like it cleans the body and washing up all the worries. I like the blunt pain as well as the sharp one, caused by the whip. I like as it is slowly spilling over my body. It can be compared to orgasm. And orgasm is liberating all the time, right? It helped me to find myself and to define my borders, which is also very useful.“
During the mutual exploration of sexual depths, there is also figuring out of any mental and emotional differences in a relationship. It´s important to count with it and accept the changes without an aggression or shame. In this world, you never know what comes of this or that until you try. Here, it´s not about brain. For example, the brain would never accept cheating as a healing process. But let´s save this for the next time.
